If you are pitching a startup or business idea to me please use this format:
I / We are
Selling / Designing / Making /Thinking about
[use a verb that indicates what stage you’re at]
A Device / App / Consumer Product / Medical instrument
[use a noun that indicates what your product is and don't say SOLUTION]
That will allow
Sales VPs of Fortune 500 / Women over 40 / Left handed First Basemen
[use a noun that defines your customer]
Drive Faster / Clean up their email faster / Kill bugs cheaper / Travel through time
[use a phrase that explains what the customer can DO with your product that they couldn’t do before.]
That’s IT. No Buzzwords, no jargon. If your 8th grader can’t figure out what you do then don’t waste my time with it.
[UPDATE] After reading Brad Feld, I’m willing concede you may need 2 or 3 sentences to do this well, but not more than a paragraph. If it takes longer than that, you haven’t put enough prep time into it. And if you haven’t done that, why should I spend my time listening to you?